Hello blog

I've been depressed lately.  It's hard for me to put that out there, but it's the truth.  My whole life, I've always felt like I have a shadow over my shoulder, just sadness waiting to come in and fill the holes.  It comes and goes and I've been lucky to control my depression with medication for most of my life.  So recently I felt like things were going well and I stopped taking my meds for the first time in about twelve years.  It turns out I need those pills.  And it feels like such a weakness and such a let down.  I want to be authentic, and I really was hoping that I could finally dig down and be real, un-chemically altered me.  But it didn't work out, and I'm choking down those pills every day and wondering if I'm doing the right thing.