My midlife crisis

Sorry, I accidentally published this draft from a long time ago.  I am not that great with technology but I think I'll just leave it here.

I've been writing in my journal a lot but I figured why not write here instead.  It feels slightly less self-centered.  I am having a midlife crisis and it is so typical that I can't discuss it.  What the hell?  I guess the bonus feature is that I'm a person with mental illness, so the craziness is even crazier.  I have been at home for the last three days sitting around and reading old journals and writing and watching Law & Order and not eating correctly.  Here are some things I have eaten:  cinnamon roll, Easter bunny ears, oatmeal cookies from Ikea, Sweetarts.  Did I mention that I have diabetes?  Obviously I have food issues but I sort of feel like they take a back seat to my craziness.  It's hard to describe.  I have always felt kind of like a space person who is pretending to be human and it's like my systems got all messed up.  My brain isn't working the way I want it to and I can't figure things out and I don't care sometimes.  The not caring is the scariest part because caring about stuff is sort of who I think I am.  And everyone keeps telling me to take care of myself and put the oxygen mask on myself first and all that stuff and I don't know how to do that.  So I'm taking deep breaths and walks (ok, one walk) and petting the cat and just wondering.  What is my life supposed to be about?  If I get an answer I'll let you know, interwebs.