Japan bound

It's a weird day -- the day before we leave for Japan.  Everything is in kind of a liminal state, waiting to be used.  I am excited and nervous and happy and sad.  I think this journey will be meaningful in some way for me, so I am watching out for signs.  Lately I've been interested in paring things down to their basics, like the three t-shirts and one pen that I totally love and must have with me.  So I am using this trip as an experiment in some ways, to see what I really need.  Wish me luck!

Practice

I've always been interested in meditation -- typical of me, I read books about it, go on retreats to learn about it, create altars and cool spaces, and never actually do it.  So as part of my attempt to get out of this cloud, I made a promise to myself:  I will sit for 10 minutes every day, morning and evening.  Nothing big or grand, just sit.  I'm announcing this to the world because I feel sort of embarrassed about it (why?).  I don't have a goal or anything, I'm just sitting. Three days so far, of just sitting.  I can't tell if anything is happening, but I'm going to keep sitting for a while now.

Hello blog

I've been depressed lately.  It's hard for me to put that out there, but it's the truth.  My whole life, I've always felt like I have a shadow over my shoulder, just sadness waiting to come in and fill the holes.  It comes and goes and I've been lucky to control my depression with medication for most of my life.  So recently I felt like things were going well and I stopped taking my meds for the first time in about twelve years.  It turns out I need those pills.  And it feels like such a weakness and such a let down.  I want to be authentic, and I really was hoping that I could finally dig down and be real, un-chemically altered me.  But it didn't work out, and I'm choking down those pills every day and wondering if I'm doing the right thing.

2013

I have chosen my new word for 2013.  It is LOVE.  I'm excited about it because it feels right.  It feels like the word chose me.  And now I'm seeing it everywhere.  This is my word because my heart is feeling so big & full right now, I am feeling so grateful for all I have, I am just looking forward with anticipation, and I am feeling in love with the world today.

NaNoWriMo

Today, I started writing a novel alongside my creative writing class.  It was so much fun to see them that excited!  A bunch of teachers and administrators came to our kick off, which was so encouraging for them.  And tonight I sat down and wrote 1700 words, my goal for today.  Maybe I can actually pull this off!

Transcendentalism

So I decided to take my AP class outside today because we were discussing Emerson and Thoreau, and then I wanted to print out quotes from Walden for them to read, and then I had to put them in little envelopes sealed with washi tape...  everything turns into such a huge production, but it was nice.  Except for the fact that there was a huge truck chopping down the "woods" behind the school where we were trying to appreciate nature.

Today